I get asked all the time what challenges and different situations clients bring to my work. I think people ask out of curiosity; they ask because they want to know if what is going on in their lives is normal and therefore have permission to contact me. So let’s address it here:
Below I have listed some situations and challenges that have been typical of the work I have done with mature men. Obviously, everyone has different lives and therefore, brings different obstacles to the table. Take a look at this list and if you are seeking out help for any of the following things, coaching may be right for you:
1. Reducing Stress
Stress seems so normal in our society that many people cannot imagine going a day without it. In coaching, we take a look at stresses in new ways. By the time we are done, you will see things that triggered stress differently—which will cause you to feel better emotionally and physically. The effects of stress will become less powerful. As that shift happens, you will have the energy to go do things you never believed were possible. When you are feeling stressed, it can seem like you’re in a fog and you are not able to see all the possibilities and opportunities in your life. It is normal to feel this way and I personally know we can make change happen—together we will navigate that stressed space.
2. Moving Through Transitions (Such as Divorce or Retirement)
Everyone in life has big life transitions! The impact is just as profound for a man as it is for anyone else. The stress involved can take a toll on our minds and bodies. When I work with mature men, we often develop strategies together to traverse this space in new and more efficient ways. Coaching can help men move through this experience with less stress and less emotional and physical fatigue.
This can also be a scary experience to get through alone. I love to help men break through fear. I have studied fear, including its causes and the impact it has on us. Fear no longer scares me. I can help you find that too, in your own way. Even just talking about fear reduces the hold it has on us. Finding out where it comes from, puts fear in its place. So let’s talk about the transition in your life. I assure you, it will not scare me one bit…
There is also the question of transitioning roles and what that means for us. Many men simply try to avoid this discomfort—and do so through many unhealthy ways—in an attempt to move past it. I don’t think trying to dodge this type of transition is the answer; rather, transitions are the vehicle for getting us where we would like to be in our next state of life.
3. Renewing Intimacy in One’s Primary Relationship
Virtually everyone who has been in a long-term relationship can say they have had some ups and downs, to say the least. Often, in my coaching work with men, after we have addressed the sadness and anger that has potentially been building for years, we will talk about what men can do to be the change in their own relationships.
There is a popular belief that nothing can change—or if something can, it’s their spouse that needs to change. This strategy often produces very few results regarding strengthening the relationship or inspiring new intimacy with their partners. Each of us needs intimacy in our relationships. This close love and bond keep us healthy and happy—without it, it can slowly feel like who we are is eroding.
Men also often believe it will take a “big change” to help create this shift. So far in my experience, this is not the case. Men have so much power to create this change; however, sometimes they can’t believe it, even when they can see the change happening right in front of them.
You have every right to be happy. It might require taking a deep breath, digging deep and opening your eyes to a new perspective. It’s easier to do it now than waiting until so much pain, distrust and distance have built up, that there is no return. Please don’t wait to regain intimacy and connection in your relationship until it’s too late. This is a life-changing move, and definitely not as scary as your worst-case scenario might lead you to believe.
4. Time and Energy Management
There is direct correlation between a build-up of stress and feeling like you don’t have time or energy to accomplish your goals. No matter what you come into coaching for, we will address stress. As we do this, you will start to see you have more time and energy—simply by processing stressors and their impacts. It’s a natural effect of the coaching process.
Personally, I coach people so that they can take the tools and strategies I provide through the coaching process and use them going forward with their lives. As much as I would love to work with my clients forever, I would like to see them live their own lives through their own power.
5. Strengthening Relationships with Their Children
Growing up, many mature men were not shown effective communication skills by the men in their lives. Their fathers, uncles, and grandparents did the best they could with the tools they had, but some skills were just not acquired or passed down. This generation of mature men has a unique opportunity to help their families in ways like never before. There are communication skills that can be learned. Just because you didn’t learn them as a child, does not by any means you are limited in your future choices. Furthermore, men can also share these newly acquired skills with their children (even if their children are already adults) and both parties can use these tools to help strengthen their relationships. We feel fear when we don’t immediately know what to do, or how to identify a different method of handling a situation. I assure you, it’s not as scary as you might tell yourself. What’s more, the benefits for you and those around you are priceless.
6. Building Life Skills
Men come to me looking for help with all sorts of skills. We tackle each individual’s needs based on their pain points. The skills to deal with each of these personal obstacles are then created through the coaching process. They are tailored to each person’s, personality, strengths, values, and situations.
Here are some of the questions that get brought up during coaching:
Why do I procrastinate?
Why am I doing things that I really don’t like to do?
Why do I feel so frustrated?
Why do I want to work all the time?
Why do I feel like I have to be someone else at work?
Why can’t I can be myself with my wife?
Why do women in my life not understand me?
Why don’t I have the time to do the things I want to do?
Why don’t I have the energy to get basic things done around the house?
Why do I avoid difficult conversations and why do they seem difficult?
Why do people judge me all the time?
Why don’t I feel love from those around me?
Why do I feel like my life is an act?
How can I be viewed as more of a leader, or see myself as a leader?
Why do I feel so overwhelmed with these feelings?
As much as it seems like you’re alone in your sadness, these are prevailing patterns in men. The ones who want something different, contact me. It’s just that simple. The sky’s the limit on what you would like to work on. This is your life; it’s time you really live it!
Okay, so calling me is probably one of the hardest steps. Hence, you are a veritable badass if you are working with me. You have stepped outside the confines of society and started living a happier life—for you. Once men have taken that first step, they are freaking incredible at this process. You may have trouble believing the kind of change you can make happen, and I wish I could show you what it will look like once you do, but it’s a journey you need to experience for yourself. I promise you will not regret it.